I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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