covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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