My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
