turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
