why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
