you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
