I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
