I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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