The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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