why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
