is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
