She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The air was thick with penises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize