smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
