just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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