OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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