Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
