I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she told me i tasted like america
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
