exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
