i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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