I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
