Everything about him screamed your future.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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