I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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