We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
