wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
