then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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