i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize