sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
