He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
