Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
