you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
