I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
