my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
