the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize