I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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