We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
