Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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