yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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