Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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