dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
