Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize