My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
