if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
