there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
