i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
