M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize