you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
