I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
