You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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