Tell her she can't have a vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
