bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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