they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
