How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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