I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
