also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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