no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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