Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
