I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
