No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
