I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
