The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
