I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
