Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
