Im at strip club and am horny
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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