i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We need to rekindle our bromance
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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