Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
