I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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