i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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