dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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