The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
