we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't notice because vodka
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
