bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
