I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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