Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
