They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
These tits shall not be calmed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
