I hate your face
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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