God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
