i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My feet surprised me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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