better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
40s are totally the cure
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize