The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
