she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize