Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
