Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
