Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
