and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize