he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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