also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize