i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
