Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
