last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
vagina is talking i cant
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
