dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
