I'm jealous of your bromance
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
