Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
