Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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